This is kind of a processing blog for me. When things really bother me, I don’t process to people, I write it down in an effort to sort shit out in my head. This is something I write about every few months, in my journal, but this time, I thought I’d share my thought process with the world just in case other people go through the same thing.
I bet just that one word can evoke about a bazillion different emotions in everyone who reads it. Some will immediately smile and it will bring them happiness because it helps them to stay dialled in with what’s going on with their friends, enemies, strangers, etc. Others will say they can take it or leave it because they only check it out once in awhile. Then there’s people like me.
I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. On the one hand, I get a fair amount of business through my Facebook fan page and it also allows me to keep up on the happenings in the derby world, both near and far, but on the other, it sucks time out of every one of my days and I immediately feel as though I’ve been transported back to highschool sometimes when I log in.
In a few words, high school was, hands down, the shittiest time in my life, socially. I always felt out of place, caught between “crowds”. I spent a lot of time pretending to be someone I wasn’t and never followed my heart and allowed myself to just be me, until about half way through Grade 12 when I just had enough of all the bullshit and decided that it was easier to be me than to constantly try to pretend to be someone else. Facebook has a knack for bringing me back there, but then I laugh and shake my head because at least I have the ability to shut Facebook off and walk away. I never had that option in high school.
On any given day, Facebook can elicit a roller coaster of emotions from me. I laugh, cry, rage, hurt, judge, etc., etc., etc., and for someone who is trying really hard to keep my mind calm most of the time, this can be somewhat detrimental to my progress. The worst thing about Facebook, for me, is that it can really feel like a popularity contest sometimes- especially when it comes to my fan page – and I have to continually remind myself that my goal in my business was never, and never will be, to get the most “Likes”. Seriously, how sad is it that I even have these thoughts cross my mind at all or that sometimes when I see how many Likes other local photographers have and how many people gush about their work, it makes me immediately feel as though I’m not as good as they are?
I’ve lived with the mantra for the last four years that I will not compete with anyone in my industry because I am not selling my photos, I’m selling myself with my own unique perspective. I’m not trying to be the cheapest photographer out there amongst a plethora of newly emerging photographers in my area. I’m not trying to sell myself as the “premiere” photographer in Kamloops. In my mind, the moment I start trying to compete with other photographers and the moments where I get jealous because other photographers have more Likes than I do, my job ceases to be enjoyable anymore and becomes a source of stress in my heart. So I have to remind myself every few months that it doesn’t matter if I have 10 likes on my fan page or 10,000. I am who I am and I shoot the way I shoot because of who I am and, so far, it’s working for me! It just bugs the shit out of me that I have to give myself pep talks like this on a regular basis because of a social media site.
Truth be told, I want to get off Facebook completely. It would make me a much happier lady and free up a lot of my time, but it’s a great business tool…and, okay, I’m a social person and like to know what’s going on in people’s lives. I guess if we make a choice to be part of something like Facebook, we just have to realize that we must take the good with the ugly. Right now, I’m smiling again because I know how ridiculous I can be when reacting to Facebook BS. I’m human and I am ruled by my heart, not my head.
Okay. I feel better.
I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And, doggonit, people like me…Stuart Smalley, SNL…LOL
And, just to make you all smile with me, here are a few pics of Greg and the animals playing with Greg’s remote control Air Swimmer. Greg calls him Sam The Shark, but I like to just refer to him as Jawsy!